Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
