How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
