Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
