mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
