I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
