Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
