I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
