TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
