so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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