i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I wish there were birth control emojis
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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