why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
