Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
