her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
