Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(816): View more from Missouri

Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.

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(208): View more from Idaho

can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?

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(813): View more from Florida

That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station

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(512): View more from Texas

someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP

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(440): View more from Ohio

The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.

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(269): View more from Michigan

No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.

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(850): View more from Florida

I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.

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