Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
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Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
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If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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