How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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