Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
