I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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