u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
so much tequila, so little girl.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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