I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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