i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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