dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
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you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
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Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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