there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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