Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Panties = found
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
