This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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