Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
