She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
