My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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