She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
