I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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