Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
