somebody snuck up and got me drunk
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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