Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
