There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
