Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
