I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
