Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
