So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
