do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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