do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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