Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
