I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize