Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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