Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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