i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
