his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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