My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
