Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
