i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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