My underwear smells like fireworks.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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