Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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