Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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