I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
