He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
