so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
