Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
