Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
