I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
