I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
