I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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