pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
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I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
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I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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