I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
