There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize