I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
