smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
