Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
