she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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