I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
