I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Still dying that you shit outside
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
