why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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